Thursday, February 15, 2018

Dream Symbolism of the HGA

The Holy Guardian Angel is a well-known concept in the Western Esoteric Tradition. I am not going to expound much on what it is. The HGA is an intermediate being between your born self and your
immortal soul. He or she teaches you how to contact your immortal self.

Over the years I have had dreams where I woke up knowing I was seeing either my HGA in disguise or receiving a message from him. Please note, I use the term him because I know my HGA. I have met him and could easily recognize him in any chance encounter on the street.

My first encounters with my HGA were of him disguised as a police officer. In these dreams, he was
telling me not to do something, literally stopping me from doing something or I stopped doing whatever I was doing because I saw a cop. That something always had an immediate and obvious coorelation to my life. It took me a while but I started to heed the warnings.

I believe that the authority figure motiff occurs because living a life in alignment with one’s soul is easy if you stop doing things that take you out of that life. These are not necessarily moral decisions. He stopped me from doing perfectly socially acceptable things that were not in alignment with my soul.

Often, the behaviors we must stop are things that we think impact our survival but do not. Other times, we have to stop doing things that lead to a false life. For example, someone with the soul of an artist studying to be an accountant to please her father.

These dreams evolved until that same police officer protected me from things in my dreams. The
analogies here were not as obvious. On some occasssions, the threat in my normal life became obvious.

On very rare occassions, the image of the authority figure would change. He appeared as a high school teacher, a Catholic priest, and I think once as a doorman telling me that I could not enter a building. I am sure there were other forms.

At some point the figure changed. He became the pope. Yes that pope. This was not a Discordian
experience. There was always a gatekeeper. She was the Pope’s secretary sitting at a desk outside his
office. In these dreams, my Catholic sister, would always know the gatekeeper and be let in. I had to
wait. Sometimes, I walked in. I have no recollection of what happens then. I viewed these dream as the pope being representive of my highest soul, not my HGA.  Perhaps, my sister’s appearance means that I have to be religious about things. Maybe, I am supposed to get to know the gatekeeper. I have not pieced that together yet.

The inspiration for this post came last night. In last night’s dream, I was the cop. In the same way, I know that the other dreams were of my HGA, I know that in this dream I was someone’s HGA. The most likely interpretation was that someone in my real life is looking at me as an HGA figure. The less likely intrepretation is that in the future, I will evolve to the point that I will be someone’s HGA. It seems a bit soon for that. Another unlikely interpretation is that in another alternative reality, I have already

Friday, January 19, 2018

A Lesser Key Spirit Amuses

I seem to have the blogging bug again. The problem is the nature of my work at this time feels
unpublishable. I do not want to reveal the magick that I am doing. In fact, the magick screams ͞No!͟ at
the idea of blogging about it. I do not want to teach via a blog. So today, I am going to share an amusing story.

I conjured one of the Lesser Key spirits the other day. To an outside observer, my method is simply
looking at the seal of said spirit. It is a bit more complicated than that. I asked the daemon for a bit of
information. That night, I had a dream involving the spirit. He arrived by appearing in the back of a closet and walking out in a spectral form that became more solid as the dream progressed. We ended up outdoors playing catch with a piece of crumpled up paper. He and I could throw it with the force of a baseball but could catch it just like paper crushed into a ball shape. I actually had fun.

Upon awakening, I thought of the spirit and found the dream was interesting. I called him again. I asked,
“Was there a message on that paper?”
Spirit: “Yes.”
Myself: “Why didn’t you just hand it to me like a regular note?”
Spirit: “I did not want to get too close to you and scare you.”
Myself: “Thank you. Perhaps next time you could just tell me to open up the paper. When I am dreaming I am not always awake enough to notice things like that.”
Spirit: “Most of the time, you are not awake when you are awake!”

I have found all the Lesser Key spirits to have a good sense of humor.

The one magickal thing I will point out is is that the outdoor area was the courtyard of an apartment
complex. Before we went outdoors to play catch, he said that he liked where he lived. He could see five moons. Outside, a lampost that had four white globe lights glowing bright. A little way down the
sidewalk there was another with just a single globe lamp. He mistook these for moons.

This is a common thing with Lesser Key spirits. They mistake light sources. This should give one a clue as to their nature. It may also lead to thoughts on the nature of light which, on the astral, conceals as much as it illuminates.

Monday, January 15, 2018

The Element of Spirit

Of late, I have been working with the element of spirit. This is the prima materia of the alchemists. I have learned a few things in working with it.

The first was that I have been seeing it forever. I simply did not know what I was seeing. The people I asked either did not know or my description was not sufficient for them to understand what I was talking about.

The second is that when elemental spirit comes into contact with humans it burns. When I was starting my path I described this to others as “moon burn”. It would hit me during full moons and be very uncomfortable when it was strong. When I described this burning sensation people thought I was a nuts.  Later, I attributed this to my fiery nature. Wrong. The fire element feels quite different.

Third, if enough of the element can be gathered on the astral it makes things on this plane very hard to look at. One instinctually turns away. This is why so many people can do magick quite well but rail against theurgy. Contact with spirit appears to be an instinctual fear. This is also why people deny their obvious errors. Behind the error, spirit lives. So, not only do people have to face themselves, a hard enough task, but risk seeing spirit behind the veil. This they know only unconsciously but that is enough.

I have the courage to work with spirit. I am working to gather enough to clothe myself in the element. It burns like you would not believe. I love it. 

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

I Am Still Here

I am still here doing magick and living life. Things have been very hectic (in a positive way) and I am doing some work that is requiring me to be quiet.

Monday, December 12, 2016

Taming the Lion (Theurgic Work in Chesed)

In previous posts I have made references to work that I am currently doing to balance out a rookie mistake from my early days in Qabala. Basically, due to fear of being attacked by the unknown, I called upon the forces of Geburah (the sphere of Severity on the Tree of Life) way too often. This caused long-term problems.

The only way I can describe the results is explosive reaction disorder. If people addressed me reasonably they normally (but not always) received a reasonable answer. As soon as they fell into obvious denial, revisionist history, or similar gas lighting they got it with both barrels. If I was frustrated by any given event, even a conversation, people got both barrels. If someone did something to others that angered me, they got it with both barrels! It was easy to set me up to look bad because there was always anger present under the surface.  If you screwed me over, insulted me, betrayed me, etc. you were doomed. Oddly, I was very difficult internally as well. I was just as hard on myself as others. I was brutal to myself. I did not put up with my faults and worked my ass off to heal them even when no one else could tell. When I saw problematic things I sincerely apologized for them.

From time to time I would dream of a nuclear explosion. These moments showed me my anger had cost a relationship. I understood these moments. I knew why people were pissed or, even when I thought they were wrong to be angry, I got it. What really got to me and what I never understood was long-term denial. To this day I still have little respect for denial and revisionist histories. Denial is the cushion of stagnation. It makes being the same as you’ve always been comfortable.
There has been a slow and study improvement of these behaviors. I am much slower to fall into making frustrated outbursts. The biggest leap can when I experienced the Perfection but there were many incremental improvements over the years.

Over the past couple of weeks I have been invoking the powers of Chesed, the sphere of Mercy. While I will not reveal my techniques, I will say that I called upon the powers and prayed to them to balance the forces of Geburah in my life. I never asked for the severity to go away because there are times when a fierce response is appropriate. I have no desire to surrender that ability. This work had produced interesting results.

First and foremost I have people at work going out of their way to compliment me and show me how my work is contributing to the organization. For years it bothered me greatly that I was apparently doing things that had no impact. Being told I am making a positive contribution at work is quite refreshing. I have also had people tell me that other people are saying nice things behind my back. This too is pleasant.

Strangers have gone out of there way to be nice to me in public. When I was hurting due to my back two strangers asked if they could help me to my car. Another gave up her seat for me as I was waiting in a government office. While sitting there I struck up a conversation with the people next to me. That behavior is a bit unusual for me. They asked me what I did. When I told them they thanked me because their adult son is a mental health patient. My job makes their job as his parents much easier.

Secondly, random memories have been resurfacing.  I recalled telling my father I was taking a computer class during my college days. He asked me if they taught about Grace Hopper. She was a great computer genius that created the language COBOL and debugged the first computer...literally. I remember the face of a woman I worked with many years ago. I cannot recall her name or anything about her other than we worked at the same place. I suddenly remembered a violent scene in a television show that made me quite sick to my stomach to recall. None of these memories are connected or appear to have any significance.  I am a bit baffled as to why they are coming up. If they were focused on my own bad behavior, or related actions others that would make sense but these appear to be random.

My only conclusion is that Chesed is related to the sphere of the mind (Hod) on the Tree of Life and there may be some cross stimulation. The other idea is that Chesed in just below Binah, the sphere that connects us to all things. It can be described as a mother’s intuition on a huge scale. Perhaps such things are stimulated by proximate contact. I have no idea.

Lastly, people I know are having conversations with me. They are going out of their way to engage with me, where they did not before. I am guessing that all that defensive work I did with Geburah built a wall that made me unapproachable to some. The Chesed work appears to be removing that wall or at least showing me it can come down. 

At this point,  I am simply reporting what I am experiencing as I have started to invoke the powers of Chesed. I have not reached firm conclusions as of yet. This will be continued in a future post. 

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Chesed Work: Personal Working Notes for the Past Week

What follows are my own working notes on some ritual work I have been doing. These are basically notes that I write to myself. They are mostly unedited and without context, unless you've been reading my most recent posts. Had these not been published they would be slightly different, such as mentioning my wife's name rather than calling her my wife. 

I have noticed in the past week many dreams where my dark side is being pointed out. I am not being provided any information that I am aware of as I know what my dark side is. 


Did a bit more formal work. This time I blessed myself with water just dedicating it to Taliahad and fire just dedicated to Aral. 

Upon reaching Chesed I saw a humble gold crown. It was as if the crown was speaking. It told me that I had done well by doing the ritual given how hard a day I have had. This work is getting me more psychically open and the large family holiday event really got to me. I basically shut down. The voice told me to continue doing what I am doing as it will get harder.

The crown then told me that most of my work is mental as that was all I was capable of years ago when I summoned Geburah so frequently.

When I finished I immediately received a message of joy from a friend referencing luck and water. Both of these are appropriate to the working. 


I am feeling under pressure. There is no angst to it and nothing external. I feel more like I am in a pressure cooker. (5:41 PM)


I had a dream last night that felt very astral. As if someone had come to speak with me in the dream world. I could not quite wake up enough to have a conversation. Moon in Sagittarius.
Meditation tonight. It was reasonably good. Someone did get up and I could feel the bubble of her energy passing around the bubble of my own.

I saw a strange red and white beast that may be my accumulated fears of projection. I ignored it.
I had many visions of events from my past. No, more of random minor players in life. Such thoughts are common in my mind over the last few days.


Performed CHesed Ritual. The crown again appeared. I asked that the powers of Chesed balance the powers of Geburah that I may exhibit strength without impotent martial anger and whatever other lessons you deem fit. Immediately I heard, “There are many.” I repeated my request. I was told that I am ready for these lessons but that from time to time I will still bounce around the Tree of Life. I was given an olive branch with its green leaves still upon it that was a long as the distance between my finger tips and shoulder. “This means more than you know.”


I meditated using the technique my wife taught me. That basically has to do with grounding better beforehand. This felt much better and I was able to hold the meditation much longer. I was prompted to do the Chesed ritual as a meditational exercise. As I am writing this more than 24 hours later I cannot recall what the crown said to me. I do recall in leaving Chesed in Briah seeing a bright blue door above me that was obviously the entrance/exit to that realm.


I simply meditated using my wife’s technique. All I did was stay grounded. I was able to hold the meditation for 40 minutes. This technique holds a lot of promise for me. 

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Personal Struggles – Election Inspired Theurgy

Like many other people I found the results of the current presidential election to be quite upsetting. This post is about my reaction and not about politics. While you are free to disagree please keep that to yourself in this venue, because this post is not a political forum. It's about magick, theurgy, and my personal path. In the past, I have posted some very personal and not so flattering things about myself in part to work those issues out, and in part to demonstrate the process of doing the Work.  So please take this post in that vein and do not default to political thinking.

I am just over 50 years old. In that time frame I have disagreed with presidents. Time has proven me right at times and wrong at other times.  . This is the first time the results of a presidential election have scared me. This is a man that has called for the registration of people of a particular faith. This is a man that has frequently used racist dog whistles that are so blatant that one can no longer pretend not to hear them. He has directly called for violence and has no problem with sexual assault.  These are the reasons he scares me. The registration of Muslims should scare everyone because history tells us where that can lead. Even if I am completely wrong and my fears do not come to pass they are not unreasonable.

In the wake of the election I was freaked out for the first time since seeing the Perfection. I was scared, and had a nervousness that felt much like my old neurosis/obsession energy. It was not nearly as bad as in the past but it was obvious, uncomfortable, and disruptive.

I considered doing nothing. I knew that if I allowed the emotional state to degenerate significantly that it could lead to a break through moment. There is a case to be made for enlightenment via crisis. The Vision of Perfection came to me during extreme crisis. The experience not only changed my perspective but relieved the mental crisis as well. Given it was unlikely this angst would have led to such a severe crisis and release I opted to do something else.

I have developed the skill of dreaming the answers I need for myself. The technique is simple. If you pay attention to your thoughts they appear to be coming from inside your skull. The skull then becomes a wall of the conscious separating your thoughts from the outside world. I imagine that wall expanding several miles around myself. Next I imagine a ball of energy. I mentally tell it answer a question. Perhaps I pray to deity to assist. Then I ‘throw’ the energy as far into that area ‘outside’ of my skull. A dream answer is more likely to appear than not.

In this case I prayed to the biggest conception of deity I have, Aaoz. Aaoz is a name I made up that washes out all associations between the word/name God and that of the angry desert god Yahweh. This form of deity actually came to me in a dream a few months back as a very short friendly fellow straight out of a Terry Practchett novel.

The result of this working was dream in which my former mentor had created a pentagram out of black hose material. I told him that I did not understand how this shape related to the macrocosm. The following morning drinking my coffee it dawned on me to see the election as a macrocosm and apply what I have seen of Trump to the Tree of Life, a qabalistic glyph that shows the structure of all creation. That glyph contains ten spheres or emanations that represent divine progressing downwards into manifestation. Each name I am about to use is the name of a sphere.

The first sphere that came to mind was Chesed. This is the sphere of health, wealth, expansion and kingship. Trump has tapped into the energies of wealth and kingship. Expansion refers to his politically uncommon ideas gaining traction. In a balanced state the kingship in Chesed is benevolent.
My fears come from the next sphere, Geburah. This is the realm of surgery, protectiveness and war. My fears is that the martial energies he threatens to use will trump (pun intended) any form of benevolence.

On the Tree of Life Tipereth (the realm of the ego, reward, and perpetual energy) is next. Balanced this is perfect beauty. Unbalanced this is all about ‘me, me, me!’. Here is Trump’s huge ego, that part of him that simply cannot handle any criticism.

The next sphere is Netzach or in English, Victory. This is supposed to be victory over the lower the self but until that occurs it is the victory of the lower self. Here Trump simply wants to win. He would just as competitive playing a game of checkers as anything he is famous for.
Hod is the mental realm. He is a paradox here. He is a man that has tapped into the mentality of many but his personal ideas seem ill formed.

The last is Yesod. Related to the moon Yesod is full of sexuality and change. We know how the first applies to the imbalanced Mr. Trump. The second reflects how quickly his partially formed thoughts from Hod morph into other things depending upon whom he is talking too. Yesod is supposed to be a foundation but it appears his, at least in the realm of mentality, is weak.
This is a very superficial analysis but it was all I needed to answer the question. Here is how the energies relate from the macrocosm (Trump’s election and the energies he tapped into) and the pentagram or microcosm (myself).

Back in the day I was afraid of the forces that I would stir up with magick. As a result I often called upon the martial powers of Geburah to protect me. Some of you may recall past posts were I have stated there is nothing more dangerous to themselves or others than a talented amateur. Here I prove my point.  In my case all that martial energy inflated my anger and defensiveness, and let my analytical mind dissect other people’s ideas to the point that (correct or not) people could not accept my words. People cannot hear their behavior is a result of some petty desire unless they are ready to hear it. Geburah energy does not allow for such ground work. It simply attacks/defends.
So my fear of Trump and the electorate is that martial forces (Geburah energy) will rush forth unchecked. Given my magickal past this is a problem I have as well. I used to be angry all the time. Now it just comes occasionally. My martial energies are all verbal, but that can do damage as well. Therefore, I will fix myself by balancing Geburah (Severity) with a lot of work in Chesed (Mercy) and the balancing path that connects the two. This means that I will invoke the powers of Chesed and its associated planet Jupiter. I will ask these powers to descend into my being and balance the martial energies. Balance is the key word here. Sometimes martial energies are needed. One should not forgo them, because they also have a role to play.

Since drafting this post I have begun this work. On Wednesday (11/24/2016) I called upon the forces of Chesed and asked for them to balance me. I felt like I had come home. I was ‘told’ that I will need to do consistent work here but I am on the right track to achieving the balance that I seek. I agreed to do that consistent work.

Working Notes

What follows are my working notes as I do this work. They are unedited and thus may be unclear.

That same day (Wednesday) I felt compelled to ask the most ‘connected’ person I know to share with my why I cannot astral project across the physical plane. He said that I do that all the time when doing tarot readings and at other times as I do magick. I am just not aware of it. He provided me with a specific grounding technique to assist in my quest consciously project in full awareness.
That night while sleeping I felt the vibrations of projection but did not actually project.

Thursday (11/25) and Friday, I did not do the ritual but did do the grounding exercise.

Friday night I had a dream in which I was called out from a large crowd of tens of thousands of people. I arrived in a room of 50 or so people. There was a person on a platform in the middle of the room. He was a famous real life singer you have heard of in the Wayne Newton or Neil Sedaka ilk. I cannot recall his name now. He said he was mage. He held his sword out. About this time I realized I had mine with me. He told me to ‘do what I say I will do’. He said this three times. I took this to mean that I need to perform the Chesed ritual as promised.

Saturday, I performed the ritual in the morning before anyone else woke.